Motherhood is hard stuff. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Each day is good, yes, but there are little battles all day long that you have to win to keep your head above water. At the end of the day, you literally feel like you've won a million battles, or maybe lost a million because you've screamed for the last time at your adorable children/toddler to get into bed and feel pretty guilty about it. You know when you're at the grocery store and there's a mother with children that seem to be entertaining everyone in the store. Not the "cute" entertainment, but the kind that consumes the focus and quiet etiquette that should come with grocery shopping. Sometime in the past I have watched one of "those" kind of mothers lose it and yell at her children for all to hear. I admittedly say that I've even thought to myself "man, that mother obviously doesn't handle things well, can't she get her children under control?" and smiled as I walked by. SHAMEFUL. Well, yesterday, I am proud to say that I was the chosen mother with the screaming children. Kylee was unable to talk normally at the store, everything was a crying shout. Not exaggerating here, "ETHAN HIT ME >>>WAHHHHH" Then I get the "look" from a passing shopper. Then it's Ethan because Kylee won't let him touch her "WAAAHHHH" I think to myself, "maybe we could just go with out food this week" as I contemplate going home and forgetting the whole thing. But, alas, I sigh a deep breathe, pick up my lovely toddler, give her a cuddle and have a little chat (another one) about how she needs to use her words instead of crying. The normal bribery is agreed upon and she's back in the shopping cart to make it down one more isle in peace. Sigh. One more little battle won. I may not have the cutest clothes, the most flawless face, the cleanest designer home, the most "popular" family, the nicest biggest fancy car, the best behaved children, but gosh dang-it, I've got a good life and I love my children more than anything in the world. I so badly want them to be happy and learn the things in life that will help them achieve just that. And if I can win just "one more" battle today, then I think I'm doing pretty good. I hope that one day I won't feel like I'm just 'keeping my head above water' but actually swimming laps around my troubles. But for now, if I can just keep swimming without drowning and smile while doing it, then I'm OK with that!
Kylee's quote of the day after saying prayer in the car before leaving home: "Mummy, I was just talking to Heavenly Father! Did you know, there's two of them? (HF and Jesus I'm assuming) Just like my tutu!" Gotta love it.
2 comments:
You took the words right out of my mouth...literally.
Yesterday I was "that" mom only I had 1 pulling things off the shelf from the cart she was sitting in, 1 climbing the shelves and meowing like a cat and 1 running up and down the isles like Dash.
Sometimes I wonder why I try and go in public sometimes...
I think most mums (sorry, should I say moms??!!!) would identify with this post. In fact, it is so nice to hear you use words such as 'challenging' and 'hard' because (although incredibly important and fulfilling) that is what motherhood is!!! You are certainly not alone in your guilt and fears. But I do believe you'll be swimming laps around those troubles one day soon. You are an incredibly wonderful and loving mother, I feel priveleged to be in your life to witness it. Xox
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